On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
