i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
