Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
