I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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