I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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