Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
