Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
