i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize