My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
