the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
