I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
