I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
soo... how was my night?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
