we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
