we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
