Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
