I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize