she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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