She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
