I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
