I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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