Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My feet surprised me
Randomize
