STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
