what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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