I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
