Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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