dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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