between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
