I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
