Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
