I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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