I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize