did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
