Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
