Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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