I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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