I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you never un-have a 4some
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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