I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize