So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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