Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
