i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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