areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Jerry, you need to find god
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
