you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
