Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
