Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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