bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
