sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize