so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize