Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
