And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
