That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
