I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
