i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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