he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I love you.
Bad choice
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
