ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
