i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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