i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
