remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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