You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
