Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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