I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
