They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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