Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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