I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You left your phone here
Wait...
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