I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
