im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
