not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
