ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
