I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
