Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
