Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
